Give Me Faith

I'm on Spring Break. Yay! :) This break was VERY needed. This semester has been rough...classes & work have been slightly overwhelming at times. I go non-stop from 9 to 5...I know that this will be life forever...working 7 or 8 to 3ish, so I should get used to it. But it's just exhausting at times. Throw on top of that, God's convictions, and I'm just having a ball. Yes, I know, I probably shouldn't use sarcasm when it comes to God, however, it's just one simple conviction--it's several. 3 to be exact.

1. The once saved always saved debate.
2. Going to church on a consistent basis again.
3. Trusting God.

Lately, the third one has been the most prevalent in my life. I need to learn how to trust God with everything inside of me. In high school, I was able to trust my youth pastors with everything. Now, I am able to trust all of my friends with everything. But why do I never take it to God? I know that He cares about everything, however I have a hard time trusting in Him completely, especially since God isn't here physically. I know, I know...I should be able to trust Him even though I can't see Him. In the movie "A Walk to Remember," Jamie tells Landon that her faith is like the wind--she can't see it but she knows it's there because she can feel it.

One reason that it is so hard for me to trust God is because of the junk that has been in my life for such a long time. In a way, I see that everything that has been in my life is a reason for me to be ashamed because of the fact that I fail all of the time. In church, we sang a song called "Give Me Faith," and it really spoke to me.

Here are the lyrics:
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life
All I am,
I surrender
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

And the part that really stuck with me was this part:
I may be weak
But Your spirit's strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will

I feel weak & like I can't accomplish all of the tasks that have been given to me. I also feel like I fail all of the time--as a daughter, a sister (I mean, my own older brother cannot stand me at all), a friend, a student, & as a teacher in the future. But with God, I can do anything! I just have to trust Him.

But why is that SO hard?!