I'm at a loss for words, but I feel a need to write. I'm home for Thanksgiving break right now, and sadly, being home is weird. I love being able to spend the time with my family because I don't get to see them very often. However, I don't know where I fit in here anymore...I feel like I don't have a place. I don't get to come home very often...I'm definitely the stereotypical broke college student. This is only the second time I've been home for more than a few hours all semester, and when I do come home for more than a few hours, I have to split the time between parents. When I'm here at my dad's, I definitely feel like I no longer fit in. They all live here, together, and live their lives without me here. I know that I have to adjust to the changes they've made without me here, but this is one thing all parents with kids in college need to know: when we come home, we need to feel like we're at home. My bed has been converted to Kayla's personal closet, so just about every single time I come home, her clothes are all over it. I came home today, and since she knew I was coming soon, she cleaned all of her clothes off, but I still had papers of hers all over my bed. My bed isn't even my bed. Please leave something for me that doesn't change! You change, the way you live changes, I change, so it's hard for all of us to be together and not butt heads, but leave something here for me that doesn't change! My bed should not be touched while I'm gone unless it's to clean my sheets because they're dusty before I come home. It just makes me sad thinking of how much everything has changed in the threeish years that I've been gone. I hope this doesn't sound angry or bitter because it's not...it's more me wishing that when I came home, I didn't feel uncomfortable in my own house.
The one thing that's really funny about being home is that they expect me to adapt to all of the changes they've made at the drop of a hat, but it's not just a one way street because I expect them to adapt to the personal changes inside of me that they're not used to. I am growing up. I'm not their baby anymore. I turn 21 at the end of the school year, I'm halfway through college, and I haven't lived with them for more than a month for a year and a half. However, despite the independence I'm gaining and the adult I'm becoming, I still need my parents, I still the home I can come to to get away, and I still need the support that they give. Just because I know what I want and I'm going after those dreams doesn't mean that you don't need to worry about me...that doesn't mean you don't need to call or come surprise me at school. I still need that. Random phone calls and random visits are always amazing...or even a card/letter/package in the mail. I still need my family.
I hope that coming home for Christmas is less weird...it's always good to come home and be able to relax before attacking the pile of homework that made it's way home with me.
<3 Always.
