The other night, Brittany and I were both doing homework, and we had been working on it for HOURS. So she decided that we (mostly her) needed a break, so we took a break and went for a drive. She told me about something that included someone who I have a grudge against. This opened up a can of worms. We talked about this person for awhile, and why I still hold the grudge despite it happening over 2 years ago. After we were done talking about it, I started to go into myself and started thinking of all the stuff that had happened that school year, with a bunch of people. I realized how many grudges I was holding, and I began to wonder why I still held them so close to my heart--even though I didn't realize it. It didn't take long for me to figure it out. While I had prayed about the situations, I have yet to forgive them all and to forgive myself for my part in it all. I also realized that I have not invited God into those areas of my heart. But why? Why would I block God out of an area in my life and heart that I need Him in so badly? I don't want to hold grudges; I don't want to hide my heart from God. The crazy thing is is that God already knows all of this stuff, so why should it be so hard for me to talk to him about it?
God wants to be a part of my every day life, and He wants me to talk to him and to trust him as much as I do a lot of the people He has blessed me with. He doesn't want me to hide certain parts of my heart from Him--He wants ALL of my heart. I need to let go of my pride, and hand it to him. I say that I can do it all myself, but if I've been struggling with this stuff for 2-3 years, then why do I still refuse to give him what has hurt me and scarred me so much?
1 Peter 5:7- "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
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