This summer has been an interesting one...one where God has reached out to me. God has been relentless in his pursuit of me, and I have not felt more loved because of it.
I'm about to enter my senior year of college, and I have been struggling through the memories of freshman year. I've said this before, and it is one of my biggest weaknesses--I hold grudges. Well, there have been a few grudges that I have been holding since freshman year. They were grudges and hurts so deep in my heart that I just pushed them aside to ignore. I let myself believe that I had ridden myself of them, when in reality, I had not gotten rid of them at all. Over the past 10-12 weeks, God has reached out to me. I have ignored several of his commands, but finally, last week, I gave in. As I was helping some friends move in, I talked to someone who I haven't been on good terms with since freshman year. This was an extremely good conversation for me to have, for it took a huge burden off of my heart. I know that this girl and I will never be friends, but to know that we can pass each other by or sit at the same table for a meal and not feel tension and weirdness between us is nice.
That same night, I was talking to two of my very good friends about my grudges. They helped me realize that the grudges, ignoring hurtful situations, and not allowing God into these situations won't help me. Yes, this is all stuff that I know, but it's nice to have reminders every once in awhile. This conversation was a healing conversation for me. I read them a note I wrote to my brother not too long ago, that I have yet to give to him out of fear of continued rejection. As I read this note, I was overwhelmed with emotions. And I realized that while I'm still hurt by the things that my brother has said and done to me, I no longer hold as much anger towards him as I have. The note was healing to me, and whether I ever give it to him or not, I have spoken, or written, my peace.
At this current moment, there is only one more person that I need to talk with God about. I might write him a note, and I probably will never give it to him, for it will be for my peace of mind only.
Sometimes, the amount of love that God bestows upon me is just overwhelming. I don't deserve anything that he has to offer me, and His love for me is unrelenting. His love for me makes me feel so precious & wonderful. I love my God.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Words
Words are strong. You can either build a person up or tear them down with a simple sentence. People thrive on being told how good they are. I will not stereotype the typical woman because it doesn't seem like a very good idea to me. For me, I need the affirmation to know that I am doing a good job in whatever it is that I am doing. I hate being told that I am not good enough. Being told I am not good enough may not come in the words "you are not good enough," for the feeling can come in a variety of ways.
Since my senior year of high school, I have had 4 people tear me down with their words & actions towards me. These people have severely impacted my world, my self-esteem & my self-worth. While I should not have allowed those four people the satisfaction of destroying me, I did, and I am still recovering from it. Constantly, I need to remind myself that I am God's daughter--a princess, daughter of the King. So why should I let these people tear me down? I shouldn't because it is Satan that is working through them. I cannot give Satan the victory in letting myself believe the atrocious lies that I have let these 4 people make me believe.
When I am enduring the pain cast upon me by those 4 people or by my own personal views of myself, I read Psalm 139. This is one of the best chapters in the Bible, and it is very encouraging every time I read it.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
You see, people can build up & tear down with simple words, but it is not their place--not MY place to speak mean words to or about anyone. I, like everyone else, am guilty of speaking mean words about the people who have hurt me & just people in general. But it is not my place, for God created them. When I am ridiculing someone, I need to remember that they were fearfully & wonderfully made. God made them in His image, so by tearing that person, I am tearing down God.
Words are powerful. So remember the next time you want to tear someone down that not only are you hurting them, but you are hurting God as well.
Since my senior year of high school, I have had 4 people tear me down with their words & actions towards me. These people have severely impacted my world, my self-esteem & my self-worth. While I should not have allowed those four people the satisfaction of destroying me, I did, and I am still recovering from it. Constantly, I need to remind myself that I am God's daughter--a princess, daughter of the King. So why should I let these people tear me down? I shouldn't because it is Satan that is working through them. I cannot give Satan the victory in letting myself believe the atrocious lies that I have let these 4 people make me believe.
When I am enduring the pain cast upon me by those 4 people or by my own personal views of myself, I read Psalm 139. This is one of the best chapters in the Bible, and it is very encouraging every time I read it.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
You see, people can build up & tear down with simple words, but it is not their place--not MY place to speak mean words to or about anyone. I, like everyone else, am guilty of speaking mean words about the people who have hurt me & just people in general. But it is not my place, for God created them. When I am ridiculing someone, I need to remember that they were fearfully & wonderfully made. God made them in His image, so by tearing that person, I am tearing down God.
Words are powerful. So remember the next time you want to tear someone down that not only are you hurting them, but you are hurting God as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)